So, today is National Coming Out Day. As in, tell your parents you might just be a little gay.

This close *pinches fingers close together*

Ok, not really.

I don't even know what to call me, Bi I guess.
I feel safer with women, men make me want to run away and I just don't feel, I guess safe with them.
I've been confused about this for a long while, since middle school I would say but I've kept my mouth shut since I didn't have anyone to talk too.

My mother and father I guess, are open people. They would accept me if I was Gay, Straight, Trans, Bi, or Asexual. But, it doesn't mean I want to tell them. My mum I guess would be ok with it but my father would probably make fun of me (in his own way not in a mean way) but I feel too embarrassed.
But I think, what if I ever do get a girlfriend or something? I don't have to tell them but I would feel bad.

I told my mum it was national coming out day and she goes "have something to tell me?" I just ignored her and brought up another conversation.
Hurhurhur

She almost set me up with some guy and I'm glad she didn't I would have cried.

I mean the fact that I'm posting this here is a big leap for me. I just started to talk to my friends about this and even then it's hard for me.
*sigh*

I will one day, just not now. I'll think of how I'll tell them. S'not like I'll be letting them down or nothin'. They know there is a good chance they aren't getting any grand kids outta me LOL.

I should find someone to talk to about this, maybe it'll help me build up some courage.

I bet my parents know, they are sneaky and know things.

bastards lol.

My heart feels like it's fluttering but thats just me.

But, I thought I might as well get rid of that nasty journal post I made a while ago when I was angry and fill that spot with happiness.

Well, I'll try.

I want to thank everyone, everyone I've met over this year.

Dear gods people I don't think you understand what you've done for me.
We are still getting to know eachother but you've made me feel so much better about myself.

You've helped me get out of my shell that I've been in, I mean I'm still kind of in there but I'm starting to find what I really am.
I'm not the "super kawaii anime" freak that loved Japan with all of my heart that followed all the other fans just to fit in.
Yes I love anime, but there are other loves out there. The whole world is beautiful not just Japan, even my own country is beautiful and I want to make it even better!

You helped me realise I don't need to shape my likes to make friends and I don't have to have drama for people to pay attention to me.

You guys rock, honestly~!!!!


But, I've been doing good in school after just forgetting about those idiots at my school. I might even go to England to study during the summer!

Now I'm going to contemplat my life and listen to Nerdcore Rap.

Ok, last sememster at BHCC I started a club, the Anime Club or The Society for Anime Fans. Fancy eh?

So it started by a guy asking me to join the Anime club so I showed up and was the only one there. He decided to make me the President and make me go make this club. Sure whatever.

I go to our student thingee and was told there was another girl working on making the anime club named Amber. Sweet, the more help the better.

So I finally meet her and she's a ditz you know those anime fans who try to act like their favorite anime shojo girls. Whatever I try to make friends with her anyway. She tells me she was going to get signatures and help Awesome!

No, I get every signiture, and go and talk to the PRESIDENT of the school all by myself. I made the club true, I made posters and got a location and made meeting plans.
She asks if she can be co-president.
No, we have to hold an election. So we do and I make president. Woo-hoo!

So I try to make meetings work mind you club meetings are ment to plan fun things. I got yelled at by the memebers saying I made things too borring. I tell them whats what. At the time I had a lot of hospital meetings. So I missed some club meetings but the vice-pres. is supposed to take over and I told him to.

So after a while people just started goofing around my membership dropped like a fucking rock and we just watched shitty anime and broke rules.

So almost last day of the semester and I was told that Amber has decided me kick me off of being president and make herself president without a vote and decided to merge the Art club and our club.

Excuse me?! Art and Anime are different. Art is a large scope not just anime and cartoons! What about sculpture, or music?

So last day of club and I gave them a HUGE speech about what they did wrong, not having any of the elected memebers here when making a decision, a merging of two clubs without official work, and a lot of other shit.
I don't get angry very easily, I don't. But, this pissed me off becasue they gave me the look that I yelled at them for no reason and I was a mean mommy or something.

Thats why I hate Amber. I hate them, and they think they did good and I'm evil.
They fucked me over, I didn't. I wanted to make everything fun and even plan a Japanese Festival at BHCC!

No. They wanted to watch semi-porn

Bastards

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Sorry about that. I just wanted to get that story off my chest.
I saw Amber at school today, she tried to be chummy with me and I ignored her. I'll talk to her reasonably when I'm not steaming with anger.
She broke what trust I gave her and it hurt.

But!

Six Flags, I want to go. This Saturday! But I need a ride *pokes* anyone? LOL
I would pay for gas of course~
I miss everyone....

Oh side note, what would you think if I cosplayed Finland? do you think I can pull it off?
I know I can't pull of Russia but I'm going to do it one day anyway >

A
- Available: Yepers
- Age: 19
- Annoyance: A lot of things
- Allergic: Nothing that I know of, but I might be allergic to whatever’s in the Lush bubble bars
- Animal: domestic? Cats and Small happy dogs (Terriers)
- Actor: None really, I never know their names.

B
- Beer: I know of it, I keep trying and I can never like it *sulks*
- Birthday: July 3rd
- Best Friend: No Best friend but a good circle of those I can trust.
- Body Part on opposite/same sex: Face shape? Hair but I don’t know if that counts
- Best feeling in the world: laughing with friends
- Blind or Deaf: Umm, Blind. I can’t live without music or reassurance that people are there
- Best weather: Sun with a few light clouds in the sky and a small windy breeze in 60-70 degree weather!
- Been in Love: Sorta
- Been bitched out?: Yep
- Been on stage?: Yes, I was in theater for a long time and choir
- Believe in yourself?: Changes.
- Believe in life on other planets: Yes!
- Believe in miracles: Ehm, not really.
- Believe in Magic: yes, (and fairies, shut up.)
- Believe in God: Gods and Goddesses but I don’t think they really do anything but watch.
- Believe in Satan: No
- Believe in Santa: *fidgets* Yes.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: Yes, and as much as I like to learn about them I’m scared as hell of them *shivers*
- Believe in Evolution: YES!

C
- Car: I don’t drive but one day I will have to and I hope it’ll be a police cruiser
- Candy: Om nom
- Cake or pie: Depends on the situation, but pie

D
- Day or Night: Day then night
- Dream vehicle: MOTHA FUCKING TANK!!
- Danced: Yes, not something you want to see LOL
- Dance in the rain?: Yes, when I was a kid
- Dance in the middle of the street?:Yea, got yelled at? Yes

E
- Eggs: Are yummy
- Eyes: Green/hazel they change.
- Everyone has: cells?
- Ever failed a class?: Yes *cries* Why do I fail!! I’m going to do SO much better this semester I promise!

F
- First crush: Alex Barbados 1st/2nd grade
- Full name: Catherine Isabelle Bonna
- First thoughts waking up: Lately? Is mommy making foods?
- Food: I’m ok right now thanks.

G
- Greatest Fear: Illness, death, and being alone in a dark place I don’t know.
- Gum: *chews like a cow* I usually only chew It when I’m alone or my breath is gross.
- Get along with your parents?: Yes, but we get in disagreements.

H
- Hair color: Dark Brown. Right now it has a fake red highlight.
- Height: Fuckin’ short. 5’0-5’1
- Happy: Happier than I’ve been in a while.
- Holidays: Halloween, Christmas/Yule (even though I’m Pagan) and New Years
- How do you want to DAI: Um Never? Ok, in my sleep or really quick.
- Hate: Fanatics (religion mostly)

I
- Idiot: I like to think not, but I do stupid things but I learn from it.

J
- Jewelry: Sometimes
- Job: I wish I didn’t have to do it yet I need more hours.

K
- Kids: NEVAR!!
- Kickboxing or karate: Karate, but only for a short time.
- Keep a journal?: Sometimes

L
- Longest Car Ride: 6 hours. But when I was three I drove from Florida to Mass
- Love: as much as I can.
- Letter: C? Maybe J?
- Laughed so hard you cried: I love doing that
- Love at first sight: I can understand feelings like butterflies but not love.

M
- Milk flavor: Strawberry
- Movie: Mirror Mask
- Mooned anyone?: No
- Marriage: Maybe?
- Motion sickness?: Sometimes
- McD's or BK: Burger King!

N
- Number of siblings: 1
- Number of piercings: two, I used to have four but they closed up.
- Number: 42, 7, 12, 9, 67

O
- Overused phrases: “Yep” “fail” and “emo!”
- One wish: That people would stop doing shit.
- One phobia: Bees!

P
- Place you'd like to live: Boston, I like Malden but I also like the city.
- Pepsi/Coke: Pepsi.

Q
- Quail: will allow dick chenny to shoot you in the face
- Questionnaires: This.

R
- Reason to cry: Frustration, Loosing, and lose.
- Reality T.V.: Not so much.
- Radio station: Public Radio.
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: Mmhm

S
- Song: Story of a Girl (Absolutely)-Nine Days
- Shoe size: 8-81/2-9 depending on the shoe orz
- Sushi: Vegetable
- Skipped school: Yes, to be “cool”
- Slept outside: Yes, then scared to death.
- Seen a dead body?: Yep, but only in a funeral home and in Forensic science books
- Smoked?: Yes, not cigs so much.
- Skinny dipped? No
- Shower daily?: No, but every other day. Unless I did a lot of activity.
- Sing well?: Not to make your ears bleed but not super well.
- In the shower?: Only when I’m in the house.
- Swear?: Way too fucking much you have no fucking idea.
- Stuffed animals?: …yes….
- Single/Group dates: Uh single at first then group?
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries but blueberries are nice.
- Scientists need to invent: A really good sustainable food source that doesn’t ruin the soil.

T
- Time for bed: 9 ish, but unless I’m with friends.
- Thunderstorms: Nice, the noise kinda blanks everything out for a moment.
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No.

U
- Unpredictable: Sometimes
- Understanding?: More than I thought

V
- Vegetable you hate: Mushrooms, (cooked) Zucchini, eggplant, spinach, and tomatoes.
- Vegetable you love: Carrots, and broccoli
- Vacation spot: Lake, and cities.

W
- Weakness: I’m a scardy cat and I’m not very likable.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: No one thank gods
- Worst weather: Ice shit, and humidity.
- Walk with a book on your head?: Yes.

X
- X-Rays: Awhile ago

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Nice, but it’ll bring out my ugly yellow undertones.

Z
- Zoo animal: Wolves!
- Zodiac sign: Cancer

I tag: T3h world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the other news, guess who might be on Prozac?

Thats right me, I'm in this health study for Hypochondria and they gave me pills to try and they pay me. The only problem is, is that I don't know if it's a placebo or the real things.
Blagh.

Art. I promise I'll post some. One day *swears it*

Look at me, using lyrics for my title! I've been listening to this song since I was going to elementary school and I love it!

So, I'm going to update on stuff like, Conneticon, Coffey-Con, Hetalia Olympics and life achievements.

So CC!!

It kinda sucked, ok it really sucked. Well not when I was away from my "job" When I was able to hang out with my friends it was great. But most of is was ass kissing and being treated as a child, that statement alone makes me feel like a child but whatever.

Best part though of the con had to be Friday night. I decided to go to the rave and since NONE of my roommates dance I went alone. I went to go see if a couple of my friends came down (they said they love the rave). I didn't see them and I realized the Hetalia panel was going on. So me being all glowey ran down and caught the last 15 minutes of it.
I met up with peeps and followed them to their hotel far away all stalker-ish *Sneak*

Other than that I worked hard and got yelled at.

Then I went to Coffey-con and had epic lulz, almost too many to write.

I got picked up by Dayvn and then we whisked away to pick up Tabi. Then we went to eat for lunch and went to Mickey D's. I got a kids meal
It was awesome!

We eventually got there, and then it became kind of a blur~ that’s what happens when I have fun hehe.
*Awesome burgers and hotdogs from America~
*Riding in a cart at Price Rite! And Prussia teaching me to be Awesome!
*Playing Apples to Apples and me shouting "Fuck this game" and being sulky. America winning hands down.
*Trying to do the Blair Witch Project, but the camera died D: Me being scared like the pansy I am. I swear I was chanting in my head "I'll be brave, I'll be brave~"
*Getting out of the woods then following France and Spain right back into it to see the stream they found. There was a stream I swear!
*Going into the awesome tents and I took the tent with Austria, Prussia, Spain, England, France and Me (Aussie) in the order.
*Got pants thrown on my head by Prussia and screaming "WHY!!!"
*Got to cuddle, never done that before
*Work up (after falling asleep at 3:30am) at 5:30 having to pee.
*Tried to go back to sleep and had to go again at 6:00am and just stayed awake.
*Took a look around and Austria and Prussia were snuggled, Spain was in the corner and England was stiff trying not to go near anyone. France, oddly enough had her hand down her pants. Giant smile on her face. Okay~?

We all woke up, and had pancakes with syrup and nutella!
Played more games and then we all had to depart.

I then got to hang out with Tabi (Prussia) and Dayvan (Austria) and we went to go eat at a rest stop and we acted like south Italians (me and Dayvan).

Then more driving and we went to the Outback Steak house. In cosplay of course~ I was soooo tempted to act Australian but my accents isn't good enough. But one day I will!

Then I was driven home ^_^

Hetalia Olympics-
They were fun, I should have planned better. And if this happens again I will do much better I promise! *Pumped*
I was taken back to the English (I was Aussie) and I sulked)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As for life its self, it's quite confusing. I've made new friends so quickly. I love it and I hope we become better friends!

I've still been feeling lonely though. Probably because the friends I've made are pretty far from home?
I guess I'm lonelier on a romantic level. I feel like such a fool when people talk about romance or even intimate stuff.
/Emo silliness.

But hey, no reason to get down about that! Life works in its own ways and things are bound to happen!!!


I need to clean my room